Living on a Thin Line. (Ha!)

It's been more than half a year since I last updated my blog. That's just how busy I am doing... SHIELD... work. Yeah, let's go with that. HAIL SHIELD!

Hmm, so where to start...

Miss Hill - aka Maria Hill, also known as the woman I am still hopelessly in love with - might actually give me a chance! I feel bad for her (her and Mr. Bear - aka Wolverine - broke up), but I can't help but be kind of happy to know that maybe I'll be her rebound. That is if Mr. Wilson - aka Wade Wilson, also known as Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth - doesn't sweep her off her feet. But he wouldn't do that, right? I mean, we are friends after all. ...Oh, who am I kidding?

Anywho, Miss Hill and I went on a wild ride! No, not that kind of ride. She was upset after the break up and needed to get her feelings out (I know, like Miss Hill actually has feelings, but she does). It scared me half to death, but whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. And whatever brings me closer to Miss Hill is totally worth it!

We also have a new agent, Mr. Coulson - aka the Avengers' Supernanny. I don't think he likes me much, but that might be because he is hopelessly in love with Miss Hill too. During Halloween on the SHIELD Helicarrier, he pulled me off to the side and warned me about... you know, I don't really remember. Something about putting up with me only because Miss Hill likes me, but he had no problem shooting me. I used to be a double agent; I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!

Besides that, Halloween was pretty good. Mr. Wilson stuffed me into a bag and I got to see Miss Hill dressed up as Wonder Woman. Hubba. Hubba. Enough said, moving on.

Other than that, I've been spending time with my kids, Terry and Howie. I know, I'm a great dad. ...Women like men who are responsible fathers, right? Because I am one responsible father. ...Like me. Please.

P.S. I updated my header (you know, because I'm not HYDRA anymore, I'm SHIELD). What do you guys think?

P.P.S I just realized Mr. Wilson hasn't shot me in three weeks. CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!

This is, like, long over due.

I have fallen a little behind in updating my blog. Oops. I am going to blame it on the rad adventures Mr. Wilson - aka Deadpool, also known as the Merc with a Mouth - and I have been having, instead of my own laziness. Bob, THE AGENT OF SHIELD, lazy? As if. 

So what have I been doing instead of posting blogs? Well, I'm glad you asked! Let's backtrack a bit. Blind Al showed up. If you don't Blind Al, she's an old friend of Mr. Wilson's. (I think he kidnapped her or something. I don't know, he never tells me these things). She's an old woman with a lot of spunk, but she's really nice. At least to Mr. Weasel and I. 

Miss Hill (the love of my life who is still having sexual relations with Mr. Bear - aka Wolverine), had a scandalous sex tape! She claims it wasn't a sex tape, but it was close enough. I have it downloaded on my computer. ...Uh. Give me a second. I'm going to go watch it. 

Okay, I'm back. Anywho, The Blue Bird Tabloid (I'm not sure if it's a newspaper or a magazine, all I know is they somehow have cameras all over the place and can see everything everyone does. Kind of creepy, I know) did a full story on it. Mr. Wilson made a comment about her being "Edward Scissor Tits." But that involves too much information on Mr. Bear having sex with her, and I really don't want to go into that. Thoughts of him touching my woman is just...Rage pulses through these veins. (I hope that was evil enough to kind of show off to Miss Hill. If you're reading this, HI MISS HILL!).

Oh! Mr. Wilson also got a new car. Her name is Minty (it's mint green, although I think it's red and black now, yet still has the name minty. Hm. Weird). He gets a free car wash whenever he gets blood on it. How badass is that? 

What wasn't badass was Mr. Wilson pimping me out. I mean this literally. He dressed me up in knee high hooker boots, a skirt, and a boa. Then, he threw me on a street corner. Why did he do this, you might ask. Because I said I wanted to pimp myself out on this one website. I only said I was going to do it because Thor did it. I mean, come on, the Almighty Thor pimped himself out, I thought it was at least worth a shot. Mr. Wilson took it a little too far obviously. 

Finally, we celebrated Mr. Wilson's 30-something Birthday! It was February 10th. We had this huge party, Mr. Weasel got laid, and Mr. Cable - aka Mr. Wilson's bestest friend in the whole wide world, also known as the Messiah - hosted it. I think he got in some big trouble for that. But eh, what do I care? I'm badass and don't care about anyone but myself...and my kids......and Mr. Wilson.........and Miss Hill............and Miss Widow...............and Commander Rogers. Okay, so I care about other people and I'm not as badass as I want to believe I am. Sue me.

...Don't sue me. I'm still settling the divorce with my wife. (That's right, I'M SINGLE, LADIES! Lots of emphasis, yeah.)

This all happened a month or so ago. As of late I have met Tito - aka Little Mr. Wilson. He's the Mini Merc with a Mouth, and is apparently a child version of Mr. Wilson from a different universe. He's a good kid when he's not beating me up or distracting me from my SHIELD agent duties. To him, I'm Awesome Uncle Bob. Pretty cool, huh? I also met Ultimate Mr. Wilson, but he was a little too...I don't know how to describe it, so I won't even try. Moving on...

Mr. Wilson was also a participant in the Effahero poll. (I wasn't on it. Wonder why.) He didn't win, unfortunately. Actually, he didn't even make it on to the Top 50, but Mr. Bear made like 11th place. (I know. Ew.)

And finally, I met Mr. Iron Fist (Fell free to post any fisting/porn jokes in my comments. Heh heh). He's a cool guy with awesome fisting powers! Only bad thing about him is he made me be nice to Spider-Man. I hate Spider-Man. He's such a...he's a lot of bad words. Anyway, Mr. Iron Fist, Tito, and I got ice cream. Bonding moments that shall never be forgotten. 

I think that's all for now! See you guys next time.