Bump in the night, although I got it in broad daylight.

I recently just woke up from a terrible - and I mean TERRIBLE - night of sleep. Who caused this awful pain? None other than Wolverine. Who does he think he is? News Flash, buddy: you're short and have to jump to headbutt me, which means you shouldn't headbutt taller people! The bump that he left is still sore and I don't think I'll be able to see straight for at least another week. The next time I see Miss Hill - aka Maria Hill, who I think I might be falling in love with - I am so telling on him. I was just trying to protect her! He keeps ruining her things and she doesn't deserve that.  

But on the brighter side, I finally found Miss Hill's dog tags, which were hidden behind the light switch. Sneaky Miss Hill, making me actually do labor. Thank goodness I was an A+++ student in wood-shop back in high school. She was so proud of me! I could feel myself blushing underneath my HYDRA uniform. (I haven't been issued a SHIELD uniform just yet so I'm still in this one. I don't know if I'll really take off my HYDRA one though. I have grown rather attached to it.) Anyways, Maria was so proud that not only did she tell me "Good job" (I know, I squealed too), she is now teaching me how to run a mission! I watched Miss Sharon Carter - aka Agent 13 from SHIELD - run the assignment from the coordinator room (I think that's what it's called). It. Was. Amazing! And Miss Carter is an attractive woman too! She reminded me a bit of Outlaw, just classier and less southern. I don't even know if Outlaw is really southern. Truth be told, I don't know much about Outlaw at all except that she has a nice -- okay, what was my point again? 

Oh, right. So the reason I was watching Miss Carter work was because I was one smart cookie and tricked Madame HYDRA - aka Miss Viper known for her squid-like appearance - into thinking I wanted to be her double agent. Ha! I fooled her. She told me all the information I needed to know and then I relayed that message to Miss Hill. Oh, Miss Hill was very pleased with me, I could tell! (I think I'm on my way to becoming her number one agent!) Anywho, Miss Hill, Wolverine (That SOB) and Captain -- er, Commander Rogers went and took down the base. But apparently Madame HYDRA wasn't there or got away or something so I fear what happens next. 

Hopefully Mr. Wilson - aka Deadpool known as the Merc with a Mouth - will show up and save my keister like he usually does! 

Opponents Beware, Opponents Beware. I'm coming. Like Washington.

Hi! My name is Bob and I'm an Agent of SHIELD. HAIL SHIELD! It's been less than a week since my last post and already so much has happened. And in the upcoming days, I'm going to have to be a real man! Because Wolverine, you has some 'splaning to do. But I'll get to that in a moment.

So, Mr. Wilson - aka Deadpool known as the Merc with a Mouth - kidnapped me again. He also shot me. Again. In the hand. .................Again. And the foot this time as well. I can barely walk, let alone hold a gun, so Miss Hill - aka Maria Hill known for her manliness apparently (I don't see it) - has me doing mental exercises. I'm not sure which is worse, mental or physical training, but I'm beginning to hate both! Unless Natalia Romanova - aka Black Widow - is teaching me. (She kissed me! It had to have been one of the best kisses - if not best - of my entire life. Thank god my wife doesn't read this.)

Anyways, Miss Hill's mental exercises consisted of scenarios in which I had to tell her how exactly I would get in and get out without being noticed. Her advice: be confident! (Needless to say, I'm going to fail that physical exercise when we get to it.) She didn't like my Mission Impossible answers, to say the least. I wonder why. I thought they were clever and cute, kind of. (But I'm sure Miss Hill likes real manly men, which I'm not...I mean, I am! Of course I am. Only manly men listen to the Carpenters and admit it!) For example, Miss Hill would say I was at a post office - how would I get in unnoticed and retrieve whatever it is that is needed? It took me a few tries, but I'm starting to get the hang of this SHIELD work.

So in regards to my earlier comment about Wolverine, it seems I have grown attached to Miss Hill. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but I do know that I don't like Wolverine shoving her around and ruining her office. It was a wreck when I went to look for her dog tags. (Which, no, I have yet to find. It's a hard task, okay? Give me a break.) Her desk was slashed and she had tons of holes in the wall. It was terrible; like a bad set from a horror film or something! So, with Mr. Wilson's help I'm off to interrogate him. Because, dammit, I am a man! And I am a badass! (Or at least that's what Miss Hill keeps telling me.) Watch out, Wolverine, because here comes Bob!

A New Day Begins - Agent of SHIELD!

Hi! My name is Bob and I used to be an Agent of HYDRA. HAIL HYDRA! But that all changed recently when the nicest woman on the planet, Maria Hill, asked me to be her double agent. The insurance co-pay is only, like, ten dollars. My wife said that it would be the dumbest decision of my life if I didn't take the offer. So, I did.

I was sneaking out one night to meet with Miss Hill when, of course, I was caught by Madame HYDRA aka Miss Viper who told me to return to my quarters. Unfortunately, she heard me talking to Miss Hill and followed me. Then she tried to kill me! And where was Mr. Wilson - Wade Wilson, aka the Merc with a Mouth known as Deadpool - when I needed him the most? Eating, if I recall correctly. The one time I wish he did come kidnap me!

Anyways, Miss Hill, Natalia Romanova aka Black Widow, and Nick Fury came to my rescue. And after being tormented and thrown around for a bit, especially by Wolverine, I am now an Agent of SHIELD. HAIL SHIELD! Pretty cool, huh? (That means you can't try to kill me anymore, Wolverine. Miss Hill said so!)

Miss Hill has been training me since. I shot a gun at a shooting range, and this time I wasn't Mr. Wilson's target. (Oh, and yeah, Miss Hill touched me. It was pretty awesome.) We went swimming in an icy cold pool. (Miss Hill in a bathing suit was definitely a nice sight to see. I don't know why everyone thinks she's so manly.) And as of right now, Miss Hill has started a new training exercise where she hides her dog tags somewhere in her office and I have to be mysterious and somehow sneak in, make sure she doesn't notice me, and then retrieve the dog tags. Yeah, I'm totally going to fail this one.